It's hard to write about a car I don't like. It's even harder when I can't put my finger on what specifically I didn't like about it. It's like being put on the spot to conjure up some generic compliment for someone when you really have none. The best rationalization of my sentiments for our Cayenne S is that the end product falls short of the sum of its parts. Until now, I've made it a point to avoid getting into the Cayenne because of my dislike of big, heavy vehicles, and SUVs in particular. I had a strong suspicion this was not my cup of tea and I didn't want to ruin what Porsche stood for in my mind. So take what I say here with a grain of salt.
The fact that our long term Cayenne wears the badge from Stuttgart means two things to me: One, it's got to be the epitome of performance and function, and two, I expect it to be as perfect as a car comes. I had my doubts. The older guys with families regard this long-termer with great affection, and frequently fight over weekend custody. So I was willing to give it a fair shot by heading out to Death Valley for a weekend of bonding with the Cayenne in its proper element.
The 500-mile weekend drive started on a Friday night in the midst of rush hour. This was intentional because most people will only experience this car in traffic. The 4.5-liter V8's endless thirst became blatantly apparent from the get-go. Just running my pre-trip errands cost a quarter of a tank. It took another quarter tank to get out of the L.A. metro area.
When I finally broke free of the "free"ways, I chose a mountainous route to see how much Porsche was truly behind the badge. Porsche's Tiptronic transmission, with its low stall speeds, is one of the few automatic trannies I enjoy driving. The torque converter remained engaged to give more driveline resistance when I got on and off the gas. This really helped with part throttle driving around continuous corners, but had the drawback of a significantly delayed gear kickdown. You really have to put the pedal to the floor to reach the downshift detent. Once it downshifted and changed to an aggressive shift map, the car wanted to stay in that gear. I had to lift off the throttle almost completely to return to the normal shift program and get the car to upshift. This all works out to some pretty rough transitions if you aren't careful.
The suspension tuning and taut, precise steering feel was reminiscent of Porsche's sports cars, but the Cayenne ultimately succumbed to its hefty weight through every corner. The tires were compromised and just not sticky enough. Though they have a low profile, the all-season tread could not hold all the inertia the car generated. Using the sport suspension mode only helped reduce body roll to increase cornering confidence, but with less roll the weight transfer loaded the tires up even more. Though it is an SUV, I had hoped for better from a Porsche.
The Cayenne did much better when I finally reached the open stretches of desert highway. This was its element. The wide open roads gave me the opportunity to appreciate the finer details of Porsche's engineering efforts. The gearing, power band, steering, suspension and even interior were just right for long, high-speed cruises. Though some might not like it, the wind noise caused by the high vehicle profile and the rumbling hum from the tires at high speeds made the Cayenne sound like a 747 at high altitude cruise.
I spent most of the trip griping to myself about the awkward placement of the steering wheel controls. I couldn't change volume or cruise control speed unless I took my hands off the 3 and 9 positions. I didn't figure this out until the return leg of the trip, but the crafty German engineers had made toggles, not buttons, so you can pull on them without moving your hands. Nice touch.
I know there's no point for me to cry over spilled milk, since the car has been in production for so long already. I just think it's a pity that all this effort resulted in a vehicle that's not that spectacular. It's not bad, but fails to inspire the driver in me. But what do I know? Cayennes almost constitute half of Porsche's total U.S. sales now.
Quick StatsTotal mileage: 6200This month's fuel economy: Below 15 mpg even at prolonged cruising speeds.Road trip costs: $200Faults: Too heavyThumbs up: Steering wheel control buttons that both push and pullThumbs down: Weak rear cabin AC and uncomfortable rear seats