It was a damning indictment of one of the greatest names in sports car history, but when it comes from a man who has spent as much time rebuilding them as Cargraphic's Thomas Schnarr, it was certainly worth listening to.
"Porsches handle more like limousines than sports cars these days," he said. "They're built too much for comfort and they all understeer, it's horrible."
When he's talking about the GT3 RS, the finest driver's car to emerge from Stuttgart for years, it feels a little like Madonna turning up on "Pop Idol" only to get savaged by Simon Cowell. But he is right.
Tail-happy cars spin and kill the customer. Porsches, especially, with all that weight at the rear and a pricetag that makes them a lifestyle choice for the wealthy and talentless, need to be a little more user-friendly. And that means understeer.
But real drivers don't like safeguards. So from Cargraphic's base in Landau, Germany, Thomas and his brother Michael set to work on a genuinely pin-sharp Porsche GT3 RS conversion that was affordable and applicable to the real world.
And at the 2004 Tuner Grand Prix, their labor bore fruit with the fastest-ever time round Hockenheim for a normally aspirated car on road tires. That was good enough for third in class, and former works Porsche driver Marc Basseng finished just 1.7 sec. off the 650-bhp Gemballa Porsche. Considering Cargraphic's RSC has "just" 411 bhp, that was a mighty achievement.
This is that very same car, complete with livery and entry numbers, which was enough to make jaws hit the floor as we trundled through town.
A new air filter, remapped ECU and new exhaust system ramped the power up by 30 bhp over the standard RS's 381 bhp, and raised the torque up to 316 lb-ft at 4890 rpm. This provided a surprisingly polished improvement to this diamond of an engine that already powers the lithe RS to 62 mph in 4.4 sec. and to 190 mph faster than most other cars on the planet.
There has been no further weight reduction, but it still weighs just 2,990 lb full of fuel. Inevitably, the acceleration is blistering, and the only way to recreate the noise is to stick your head in a bin full of irate bees. Each rev resonates through the sparsely insulated cabin as the Porsche gathers speed and, at the 8200-rpm redline, induction roar and exhaust sounds combine to create a soundtrack even TV's "Mr. Nasty" would love.
But this conversion is all about the handling. Previously, it was hard to imagine how the rollcaged RS could be improved upon in this area, but now I know: this built car for the glass-smooth Hockenheim circuit exceeded my limits over every surface on a winding road through the local vineyards.
Cargraphic went in a "completely different direction," from Porsche with the spring rates and Bilstein dampers. It's definitely firmer than the RS, but it's not uncomfortable and adds to the sense of occasion.
The aerodynamics also came in for some serious attention. On the RS the cut-outs at the front are cosmetic, but the airflow contributed to front-end lift, which is not good. Cargraphic rerouted the air to add to the extra downforce already generated by the chin spoiler and repositioned rear wing, as well as to increase brake cooling.
The revised front end cuts into corners like a scalpel, so much so that another journalist came close to smashing the car into an inside curb on his first run. No Porsche I have driven turns in like this. The car comes close to predicting the movement of the standard Porsche steering wheel, which incidentally is a little big and cumbersome for such a sharp car. A smaller one, which would cost just a few hundred dollars, could make a great car near perfect.
When the back end steps out in slow bends it is still easily caught with a wild armful of opposite lock; the RSC drifts gracefully through the arc by balancing throttle and steering. What's more, it inspires the confidence to do so after just a few runs, as the 9x19-in. front and 11.5x19-in. rear wheels provide more feedback through the steering wheel and figure-hugging bucket seat. It floats through faster corners, making the most of that increased downforce, but get to this car's limits and you'll need to be ready with the lock as eradicating understeer means the built-in safety catch is gone.
It takes a skilled pair of hands to fully exploit the information and potential of this car, but when it's dancing on its limits it leaves the standard RS in its wake.
Cargraphic relied on steel GT3 brakes, mated to Pagid RS19 pads and six-piston calipers. Thomas does not yet trust the PCCB ceramic units to last the distance, and the RSC slows to an emergency stop in a straight line even when pushed to the limits from triple figures.
All the extras cost just a little over EUR15,000, plus labor and, for anyone that can afford the RS in the first place, that's a bargain. It turns a superb car into the consummate Porsche, perhaps the best the world has ever seen. Even Mr. Cowell would be hard pushed to criticize.