And if you’re not going to do it then there’s no point in buying the car, the X6 M is more than capable so the only reason to come here is if you spend your life deep in the red zone.

I was a massive skeptic when the X6 M launched, it was simply the wrong car for the times and it looked like an epic fail in the making. I was wrong, executives and celebs have snapped up this alternative to the Porsche Cayenne like hungry gannets. It’s a go-anywhere sports car that takes zero skill to drive fast, comes with a big comfy seating position and a sleek coupe-style roofline.

The kind of people with the budget to buy one don’t care that an M5 is more sporting, or that the X6 M comes with less interior space than a decent 3 Series, or that a 7 Series is seven times comfier. They love this big, commanding rocket and the only problem some of them have is that 550 bhp isn’t enough.

That’s manna from heaven for the tuners who have gone to work on this politically insensitive gas-guzzler, and Manhart’s 700bhp variant with 663 lb-ft of torque is about as manic as these giant SUVs should ever get.

Even the leading lights from Ferrari and Lamborghini don’t have this kind of power or torque, although they don’t have 2.3 tons of body to dragadmittedly.

Gunther Manhart’s boys went to work on the ECU and fitted a stainless steel sports exhaust with a 200-cell racing HJS catalytic converter that leads into a back box with four 90mm tailpipes. But most of the boost on the 4.4-liter V8 that produces the frankly insane horsepower number comes through pure electronics. Which means the same boost is ready and waiting for the new M5, so if you don’t like the X6 M then there’s still a silver lining for you here.

That’s a way off, though, for now we should just stand back and applaud a car that just should not work on so many levels. Physically it’s a two-ton rocket, which is stupid, and financially this is the wrong car for the current economic times. Wasteful, profligate and kind of obscene, it is a middle finger and then some to the world at large. But then that’s why people buy them.

They come for the style statement, the pseudo SUV look with a prestige badge and sports car performance that is effortless, that takes no talent to control. And when they tire of the shove in the back they can head to Manhart Racing to get an SUV/hypercar crossover that will beat an M3 to 125 mph with three in the car in the pouring rain.

At least that’s what the iPhone says.

Manhart Racing M6XR

Layout
Longitudinal front engine, all-wheel drive

Engine
4.4-liter V8, dohc, 32-valve, twin turbocharged, Manhart Racing ECU, HJS catalytic converter, 90mm exhaust

Suspension
Bilstein lowering springs

Brakes
Six-piston calipers, 395mm ventilated rotors (f), four-piston calipers, 375mm ventilated rotors (r)

Wheels and Tires
AC Schnitzer Type 5, 10.5x23
Continental ContiSportContact XL, 315/25

Performance
Peak Power: 700 hp @ 6000 rpm
Peak Torque: 663 lb-ft @ 4500 rpm
0-62 mph: 4.7 sec.
Top Speed: 186 mph

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