Sharing The Wealth
Things I Have Learned From Being A Car Guy
You would think that with cars having been around for a bit more than 100 years, that every bit of wisdom would have been squeezed out of them by now. Yet it seems like every time I take wrench in hand or foot to accelerator there is something new to be learned. It isn't that I am a particularly slow learner, it's just that automobiles are such an ingrained part of our daily existence, the lessons that we take from them apply to so much of the rest of our lives. In my own case, many of these lessons have come from working on, driving and racing European cars, many of them British. Anyone who has experienced the joys of English car ownership probably also appreciates the wearing of hair shirts and ritual floggings. To say the least, older British car ownership can be trying. Mind you, Italian, German and Swedish cars also have their moments. But every hardship brings with it a test of character and an opportunity to learn something about yourself. Sometimes what you learn is something that other people already know. Sometimes it's something about yourself that you really don't want to know. In any case, and in no particular order, here are some of the truths and half-truths that I have gleaned from playing with cars in almost every part of the world. If they sound like corollaries to Mr. Murphy's famous laws, try to remember that Murphy was an optimist.
* If you don't put the oil plug back into the oil pan, all of the fresh, clean oil you pour into your engine will run through onto the ground.
* Oil that is spreading into a puddle under your car is really hard to clean up.
* Recycling means never having to say you are sorry.
* If you use anything other than Castrol LMA brake fluid in an old British car, the seals in the brake system will fail and you will have no brakes.
* Every previous owner of any British car you buy will have never heard of Castrol LMA brake fluid.
* The amount of a liquid that is spilled is directly proportional to how difficult it will be to clean up.
* Tight enough is how tight the bolt was just before you decided to tighten it a bit more and it broke.
* A bolt dropped into an engine compartment will rarely hit the ground.
* If one rivet is good, a thousand are better.
* Anyone who says it is a small world hasn't gone on a long car trip.
* A decreasing radius turn for you is an increasing radius turn for the guy coming the other direction.
* Spark plugs never fail unless they are in a location that is completely inaccessible without removing the engine.
* Most electrical problems are caused by the person looking for the electrical problem.
* The funny noise coming from the engine is almost always worse than the worst thing you can imagine.